Putting A Human Face On "The Other"
By John Landesman, Director of Programs,
InterReligious Council of CNY
Two recent incidents reminded me of the importance of making personal connections and challenging stereotypes even when it makes us uncomfortable.
Several weeks ago a good friend called to talk, and among other thing, we talked about Saddam Hussein's order to throw out the American arms inspectors and the possibility of a military response by the United States . During the conversation, my friend remarked that some of his coworkers thought that America should just wipe Iraq off the face of the earth and, that he sort of agreed with them. Although disturbed by the remark, I wasn't surprised that Americans feel this way. Media reports about Iraq only portray a mad man leader, terrorists and scenes of lights in the sky that are supposed to represent bombs but never show anyone getting hurt. There is rarely mention of the men, women and children who live there.
What did surprise me, however, was that my friend would agree with them even though he knows my wife Linda well. He must have known that wiping out Iraq meant killing her relatives and destroying her homeland and a large part of our children's culture.
About the same time Linda got a phone call from a relative who talked about what he believed to be the Jewish "conspiracy" in America . The relative knew that I was Jewish yet still felt comfortable disparaging Jews to Linda.
Until these two incidents, Linda and I avoided conversations about Arabs and Jews with our friends and families because it made them uncomfortable. Suppose though, I hadn't avoided the uncomfortable conversation? Would my friend have a different picture in his head when he thinks about Iraq ? Maybe, like me he would think about my father-in-law's childhood stories of growing up in Iraq . Maybe, my friend would think about Linda staying home for days at a time during the Persian Gulf war, feeling alone as she watched the constant news reports of raids and bombings that were likely killing her relatives. Maybe he would think about the letters from Linda's family that describe not having enough to eat and the terror they are living from both Saddam Hussein's soldiers and the American blockade.
The point of this article is not to debate American politics in the Middle East . Nor is it to suggest that the prejudice Linda and I face compare to the racism people of color face daily in the United States . The point of this article is to show how easy it is to take the humanity out of an entire people when no one challenges the stereotypes. Even as my friends and family invite us into their homes and treat us both with love, nothing has changed in the way they fell about other Iraqis and Jews.
Upset, I began to ask myself three questions we ask in Community Wide Dialogue, "Are you comfortable leaving things the way they are for our children?", "What are you prepared to do to help change things"; "What do you want from your allies?".
Obviously, I'm not comfortable leaving things the way they are for our children, but taking action and knowing what I want from my allies is more difficult to answer. I do know that I will no longer avoid the uncomfortable conversations and will work hard to challenge the stereotypes. If I can put a human face on the "other," maybe my friend would feel less comfortable saying callous things about whole groups of people. Maybe he'll even begin to question stereotypes himself.
From an ally I want the same things. I have never witnessed any of Linda's family interrupt or challenge disparaging comments about Jews or anyone else. I hope they will speak up for me as I speak up for them. I hope they will stop thinking of me as an exception to my people and begin to explore the complexities and differences all groups of people have.
You may ask what good any of this will do. The answer is that we may not change opinions and actions right away. We may, however, make people think the next time, and getting people to think is the first step toward breaking down stereotypes. I'll start with my friends and family: It could make a real difference if you also try with yours. |
